


Holes.

by FlounderTech



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Combiglitter, Death, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Songfic, graves, holes - Freeform, the jane austen arguement, theres a hole inside of me the shape of you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-17
Updated: 2014-05-17
Packaged: 2018-01-25 11:55:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1647740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlounderTech/pseuds/FlounderTech
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a hole in Enjolras' being, threatening to eat up everything he knows, all because he lost someone close.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Holes.

**Author's Note:**

> The song that this is based on is called Holes by The Jane Austen Arguement. Its a damned good song, have a link to the album.  
> http://music.thejaneaustenargument.net/album/somewhere-under-the-rainbow
> 
> _I should learn my lesson_   
> _holes are the illusion..._   
> _presence and absence and_   
> _emptiness and nothing_

Enjolras closed his eyes as he rested against the edge of the stone, his head turned up towards the sky.  
"You left a hole, you know." He mumbled. "Deep enough that no-one can see it." He felt like an idiot. He was talking to nothing, he was sure. Yet there felt like there was a presence there. And so he kept on talking.  
"No-one quite fills it. There just isn't enough there. He's not quite the same. Never has been, but its close enough for now." Opening his eyes, he let himself push up off the ground, looking down to the marbled surface and his gaze scanned over the words that had been left there to commemorate his friend, and his lover.

The thing was, this hole that Enjolras was describing, it wasn't just inside of him. Of course, it was the right shape to be the man who'se grave he stood over. And no-one managed to fill it anymore. Yes, he had come close. Grantaire was a general fix when he needed it, but however much the man loved him, Enjolras couldn't quite stand to be around him for long enough for it to be a full term relationship. A good night, maybe two, but there was no way that he could manage anymore time than that. They simply were not compatible as lovers. Combeferre had come close. He was the closest for the time being, but he had other commitments. At least, he did now. And however much he knew that Courfeyrac would be willing for him to be welcomed into the relationship, much like the other trio in the group, Enjolras simply wasn't ready for that. Polyamory wasn't in his nature and he wasn't sure he could quite adapt to it to be able to cope there. Especially not with Courfeyrac as well.

No. No-one was quite right that he had been with. No-one filled that gap in his life like Feuilly had. And so stood in front of the slightly raised mound, he brushed back the lengths of blonde hair, and finally muttered a quick apology, before walking at his usual brisk pace out in the other direction.

 

 

_Feuilly sighed as he ran his fingers over the headstone, his head tilted to the side a little as he started to reminisce over the other mans life. He couldn't believe that it had happened. Even though things were repeated to him that it was an accident. It wasn't anyone's fault, least of all his. A freak happenstance of life._   
_"I miss you." He spoke. It was as if the wind was listening to him intently, his hair being blown lightly in the wind. Nodding a little, he let himself kneel, keeping a hand on the headstone. He felt closer to the other when knelt here._   
_"Things have changed down here. Enjolras is as determined as ever to make a change. There's a big rally due any day now. And... I, uh." He paused, swallowing lightly. He was sure that if he was watching from wherever, the other man already knew. So why not just come out with it. "I'm seeing someone."_

_There. Those words were out. He could talk freer now._

 

Enjolras simply placed himself back down in his flat, a mug of tea made, and he simply stared into the room. That presence still felt there. He could feel it. Taking a sip of the still steaming liquid, he looked about, as if trying to search for something to tell him that there was indeed someone, yet nothing. Nothing was obvious, at least. And so he simply let it out. Even with those silent tears, his voice was soft and steady as he started to talk again. Yes, he felt less bad in private if he was to talk to a dead man.

"Thing is," He started, "Its not just within me. Its everywhere I look. You're not there." His gaze had rested on the spot that Feuilly would have walked into, then placed himself down in the chair, usually utterly exhausted.

"This hole you left, it hurts, for one. But its hungry, and its eating everything. Every last part of me left. I'm not right, Feuilly. Not without you anymore." It was almost by some miracle that someone knocked on the door. He groaned softly, moving to rise and open it, to find Joly stood there.

"Enjolra- are you okay?" The doctor quite clearly looked concerned. He hadn't often seen the man after those silent tears, but it was obvious that they were present. Enjolras simply nodded, putting on a smile for him.

"I do think so. Come in, what can I do for you?" He turned, holding the door open for Joly to step through to, offering up a seat, finding himself resting on the armchair that Feuilly once inhabited as if he were still there. Still alive. Still with him.

"We need to talk." It was simple words, but soon everything was out. And Joly was there to help.

 

 

_"Maybe he can touch like you touch." Feuilly sighed, leaning back again as he traced the other mans name on the grave. "Or laugh like you laugh... Maybe even kiss like you did." He paused, smiling before letting a small chuckle and a shake of his head pass._

_"No-one can replicate your laugh. Ever. Its impossible." Taking a moment to stop and talk... He had to admit, he was feeling a little better about it all. He still hated it, but he was feeling that little bit better._

_"Nor can they smile like you smile. Nobody smiles like you." from behind him, he could hear the others call his name. And slowly, he nodded, pulling himself to stand up once more and looked down at the grave._   
_"You left a hole. But its an illusion, presence and absence and emptiness... They are all illusions. I miss you. I'm sorry." Feuilly furrowed his brow, brushing off his knees as he patted the polished stone and nodded a little, turning to join the others and link hands with Enjolras. It effected everyone, even now. But they took care of Feuilly around this time of year._   
_So it seemed almost fitting that it was him that left them on the journey home._

 

Enjolras shook his head a little.

"I am not going into counselling."

"You were there."

"Its not happening, Joly. I don't need to see a therapist." Joly sighed, shaking his head as he looked the blond man over.  
"You don't drive anymore. You've been sleeping with Grantaire again. You are grieving . Enjolras, as a doctor, and as a friend, I'm asking you to go. Even just consider it."

"No." Enjolras snapped. "I'm not depressed. I'm not suffering... I just..." he sank back a moment, brow furrowing. "I miss him."

"We all do. You visited him today, didn't you." Enjolras nodded a little. "First time?" He nodded again, and Joly closed his eyes for a moment before pushing the tea closer to him.

"I don't need the tea."

"Its sweet, it'll do you the world of good."

Eventually, Enjolras got it. At least, Joly had been persistent enough for him to get it. He agreed to go, however much he hated the thought. And now, now he was doing so much better for it.

 

 

_Jehan clutched onto Feuillys hand as they rested on the side of the road, the long haired, rather feminine man close to taking his last breaths. A crowd had gathered around the couple, and it was clear that he was trying to say something._   
_"Save your energy, love."_

_"Feuilly.." Jehan looked up to him, those eyes silencing him and he watched as a small smile spread on the dying mans lips. "Plant some flowers on my grave. Pretty ones. And wild berries. Just wild flowers." Feuilly could feel the others man lift to rest in his hair, clutching onto it lightly. For Jehan, this was him getting his last look. His last memory before passing to the other side. He didn't want to go, but he could feel it pulling. There was no point fighting any longer._

_"Please don't cry. When I'm gone as well. I want you to smile. I want to hear that pretty laugh. And before I'm cold, let someone who love you..." He coughed, wincing as his hand fell again, hitting the pavement. He was pale. Too pale. And weak, far too weak. "Let someone who loves you..." He couldn't finish his sentence, and within minutes, he was gone from the mortal realm._

_It hurt when Feuilly joined him that year after, but they were together for the time being. And they had time. They had all the time in the universe._


End file.
